Every now and then I get this overwhelming feeling of graciousness and awe because of where I am. It usually happens as I am crossing the river into the Loop for an audition or something. When I realize that my dream of living in a big city is an actuality, I get kinda tingly inside.
This only happens a few times a month though, and the rest of that month I have to spend trying to stay optimistic and hopeful for all those other dreams to be an actuality. I've been hard on myself the past few months and scolded myself because I haven't hit the 'optimal' actor's dream of being forever employed in a large theater or film company getting regular gigs. So I've recently tried to spot those moments of astonishment in my own work. A bit of a recap of my "successes," if not to get you up to date then to help my disposition: I grabbed a full time job to pay rent. I was offered a job as ballroom dance instructor (what?). I auditioned fervently for the past 3 months. I signed with an agent. I have my Chicago (albeit small) stage debut opening on March 20 (Check out the theater and purchase tickets here: http://www.benevolenttheatre.com). I started a film class downtown at Acting Studio Chicago entitled, Advanced film Techniques for the Professional Actor (sounds fancy so I had to include it). I've auditioned for 2 of the large house theaters downtown. And lastly but certainly not least: I've met some really cool people: actors, directors, cooks, pastry chefs, retirees, dancers, Pilates instructors, book store clerks, baristas and so many more.
I think I am a better person when I keep thinking about what I have done and who I have met, instead of what I wish to do, or who I want to meet.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Thursday, February 6, 2014
On Really Messing up
I have been hitting the audition circuit hard these past few weeks. It has been crazy busy managing a full time job with a very full audition schedule. Some auditions were film/commercial and booked through my agent (whew, still feels bizarre to say) --they actually lowered the stress level because I have no idea what I'm doing anyways so I don't know if I'm doing something wrong-- and others were ones I had been called in to or submitted for. I've been extremely lucky that I have so many opportunities to try and show what I can do. But with a greater margin for success also comes a greater margin for error. One of the many great mess-ups follows:
One audition in particular I had submitted for my heart was not totally in. I got called in literally the day I submitted and had to prepare a piece I had never heard before that was way out of my range. I apologized told them I couldn't do it (not like me at all-it was very hard to come to terms with that fact) and thought I was good to go. They called me in for the next day. So of course I couldn't turn it down twice. I went in despite my low confidence and pessimism. Sure enough it was just as awful as I thought. It started with tripping up the stairs to the audition room. Thank goodness I didn't hurt myself, but as I was running up the steps I slipped, fell, laughed heartily at myself, then kept going. I'm sure they heard. I walked into the room, did my 'hello, thanks for seeing me! Its great to meet you!' and promptly ran into a low hanging... .something. Still not sure what it was. Thankfully they had copies of the excerpts we were supposed to prepare, but unfortunately they were not stapled. So of course, halfway through the song I got lost and dropped pages and I had no idea where I was. The music director just said 'I think we've heard enough'. Thank. Goodness. It was over. Actually, just kidding ''Jay do you want to do the second cutting now?" (what? there was a second song?..... woops.) Me: "Yes, I'd love to." I then sight-read through a Jason Robert Brown song(for those of you who don't know, his music is terribly hard to sight-read) I had never heard in my life. Ended on a last high note, then immediately turned to the accompanist and completely reactionary (and quite impressed with myself) said ''was that the right note?". Of course it could go no worse than it had already so I thanked them and left. The whole thing was like a scene out of Submissions Only.
I didn't get called back. Surprisingly. But I did walk away with a few realizations. Firstly: dear my Jay Mast please don't forget to prepare! For so long I've coasted here, forgetting that if I really want something I need to work. Hard. For it. So if that means short nights and less Netflix then so be it! Secondly: It is ok to mess up. Life goes on, more opportunities arise, and plus you get more joy out of life if you find things funny. What's funnier than your own screw-ups?!
This past week, however, was nicer to me. I prepared more and had great opportunities: went to O'Connor Casting for an audition for the first time, got some good callbacks/cold reads in, and just booked my first show in Chicago with Benevolent Theatre in "Spoon River".
More to come soon.
One audition in particular I had submitted for my heart was not totally in. I got called in literally the day I submitted and had to prepare a piece I had never heard before that was way out of my range. I apologized told them I couldn't do it (not like me at all-it was very hard to come to terms with that fact) and thought I was good to go. They called me in for the next day. So of course I couldn't turn it down twice. I went in despite my low confidence and pessimism. Sure enough it was just as awful as I thought. It started with tripping up the stairs to the audition room. Thank goodness I didn't hurt myself, but as I was running up the steps I slipped, fell, laughed heartily at myself, then kept going. I'm sure they heard. I walked into the room, did my 'hello, thanks for seeing me! Its great to meet you!' and promptly ran into a low hanging... .something. Still not sure what it was. Thankfully they had copies of the excerpts we were supposed to prepare, but unfortunately they were not stapled. So of course, halfway through the song I got lost and dropped pages and I had no idea where I was. The music director just said 'I think we've heard enough'. Thank. Goodness. It was over. Actually, just kidding ''Jay do you want to do the second cutting now?" (what? there was a second song?..... woops.) Me: "Yes, I'd love to." I then sight-read through a Jason Robert Brown song(for those of you who don't know, his music is terribly hard to sight-read) I had never heard in my life. Ended on a last high note, then immediately turned to the accompanist and completely reactionary (and quite impressed with myself) said ''was that the right note?". Of course it could go no worse than it had already so I thanked them and left. The whole thing was like a scene out of Submissions Only.
I didn't get called back. Surprisingly. But I did walk away with a few realizations. Firstly: dear my Jay Mast please don't forget to prepare! For so long I've coasted here, forgetting that if I really want something I need to work. Hard. For it. So if that means short nights and less Netflix then so be it! Secondly: It is ok to mess up. Life goes on, more opportunities arise, and plus you get more joy out of life if you find things funny. What's funnier than your own screw-ups?!
This past week, however, was nicer to me. I prepared more and had great opportunities: went to O'Connor Casting for an audition for the first time, got some good callbacks/cold reads in, and just booked my first show in Chicago with Benevolent Theatre in "Spoon River".
More to come soon.
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